These were the words I heard at my last appointment on 4/28. I have mixed emotions about those little word of "See you in 1 year!" It scares me but it is a relief at the same time. For awhile after treatment I was doctor visits more then I was during treatment. Now only a few side effects remain from one of my most life altering experiences. My hair has grown back but scares and other struggles still remain. Most don't know looking at me that I am a cancer survivor. My scare from my lymph node surgery still remains along with the partial numbness in my arm, the scare on my chest from my port no longer hurts and has faded but it is still visible. The girls ask about what happened and I explain “that is where they gave me medicine to make mommy better.” You no longer see the scares from my bone marrow tests. There are scares that aren’t visible that still remain; my lung will be forever damaged both from the treatment and from the tumor. The tumor that still remains in my chest resting on my heart and lung, the constant worry that one day my cancer will return and the frustration that I feel when I try and laugh with my family and then can’t stop coughing.
While checking in for my appointment a nurse says to a young couple in front of me “everything will be ok and we will go over everything when the doctor sees you.” As I sat waiting to be called back for my last round of labs for a year with my 3 youngest miracles, all of which have arrived in the 5 years post treatment, the same couple is sat across from me, the young women rubbing her belly across from me and the kids. Few minutes later I got call back for my labs and so did she. I noticed the look of worry and the unknown of what to expect next the feeling that I too once felt and still do. I hope her appointment went well and she too will be told what I was told by the best nurse “you will see your children grow up. If you are to get cancer this is the cancer you want.” I think back to those words and they helped me get through those early days.
The other day my mom was looking for our group pictures from our first Light the Night Walk in 2008. While creating our event on facebook and I can’t believe that that was 6 years ago!
Here are our past years pictures.
2008
2009 – Missing :(
I will need to look though my computer to see if I have it there.
2010
2011
2012
2013
No comments:
Post a Comment