The Life of a Busy Mommy: When will the "normal" begin?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

When will the "normal" begin?

I hit me today that life just can never be easy. It may never be easy again. I will always be worrying about the "C" word forever! Sitting in my office today I looked up and saw my pictures of my baby girls and it hit me that we are doing round 3 of biopsies. Not fair! The first biopsy was right after Vince and I got married, went in for a physical to make sure all was ok to start trying for a baby and found a lump in my breast, had a biopsy and showed nothing. Then the second was the lump in my armpit and this time we were not so lucky it was Hodgkin's. Now for the third a biopsy of my lung. This is just not fair! I am too young to have to think and go through this! I am sick of thinking and worrying about every little pain and cough might be the cancer coming back or spreading. I want to live my life with no care in the world and be able to make plans and have more babies and not worry that I may leave them before they get married and have kids of their own. I just don't understand what God's plan for this is! It just isn't fair!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Wish I could fix it for you, thought when you all were little that I would be able to protect you from all the bad things in life, how wrong was I, you especially have been dealt the most, I think because you really are the strongest and inspire the rest of us. You will be there for your kids when they marry because you are strong and will kick the butt of anything trying to get in your way! I do feel your pain and worry your worries, there is nothing harder as a mom than to know you cant fix everything, might know everything (or your kids believe you do) but cant fix everything.
mom; June 4, 2009 at 8:34 PM
Nicole said...: Pick yourself up and walk on girl. This is just another bump in the road. Nothing ever stays wrong for long..

I know I said it on FB and I will say it again. Give your worrying to God. Let him deal with it. You carry on with life and raising your babies. I promise this is not a "plan" God decided for you. There is no plan to give someone something bad.

I know my "story" below is NOTHING like what you are going through and it seems so very trivial but when Camden was going to have surgery at 6 months for tubes (easy, rutein surgery i know)I was worried sick. Floyd and I knew NOTHING about his birthparents as far as health concerns with anesthia and such. It was so worrysome for me and I am a worrier. But one Sunday while sitting in church listening to a sermon given about "giving your worries to God" got me thinking..and I decided then I needed to just give those worries to God and let him HELP ME get through this....he did.

I know how scary Cancer is. I know b/c I am watching my father in law who I am so so so close to battle it, he too has given his worries and doubts to God. He still has cancer, he was told a year ago when put on hospice he has maybe, if lucky another 6 months. It has been a year. Eight years ago, when dx he was given a year at best. We are looking at 8yrs now...God is awesome, modern medicine is awesome, western medicine is awesome.

Just pass the worries on. Live your life and let God lead you as best he can.; June 4, 2009 at 9:08 PM

Meet the family

Vince and I have been married since August 8th, 2004. We met when I was 18 and he was 23.

Melanie is our beautiful feisty 7 year old. She definitely speaks her mind. Reminders me a lot of myself.

Allison is our sweet, loving and opinionated almost 6 year old. She loves working on puzzles and often enjoys playing alone.

Sophie is our loving 3 year old that is very full of energy.

Landon is our sweet, active, loving, daddy's boy.

Charlotte is such a sweet baby. She is mellow and likes to sleep (for mommy at least) When she is awake she often has a very big smile on her face. When her siblings are around she watches their every move.

Things kids say....

In the car on the way home Allison took her shoes off and Melanie tried to help her get her socks and shoes but then Allison started to scream at her and Melanie said “ALLISON YOU ARE DELIBERATELY DISOBEYING ME!” AND Allison said “I’M A GIRL, I’M ALLISON!”
Daddy: Wanna see a picture of Jessica’s baby? Melanie: Yes Daddy: That’s baby Lilly Ann H. Melanie: Who? Daddy: That’s Lilly H., that’s Erik H, and that’s Jessica H (pointing out the faces). Melanie: Why Lilly? Daddy: Because that’s what they named her. Melanie: But they already have a dog named Lilly. Daddy: No silly, that’s Grandma Janas. Melanie: Oh—can mommy have a Sophia?
Vince walked in to Melanie’s room holding a thing of Vicks for her chest, Melanie said “what are you going to do with that?!?”
“Mommy, Uncle Ben is one luck man!” Melanie’s said to me when I made it to the front with the rest of the bridesmaids.
Mommy and the girls at McDonalds—Mommy “Can I get a Cheese Burger with no Ketchup and no pickles, just meat and cheese.” Finished my order and pulling forward. Melanie “Mommy did you tell that man no, no?” Mommy “well sort of, I said no ketchup and no pickles” Melanie “mommy don’t tell him no, no, he is not in trouble, he is a nice man”
Daddy—“Alright, get in bed, Dear.” Melanie—“Deer? I’m not a deer!” Daddy—“No, not a deer, I mean dear. Dear means I love you, like when I say I love you baby.” “I’m not a baby deer, I’m a big deer!.... (Long pause). Daddy, I’m a black deer.” Daddy—“Ok, then I’m a white deer.” Melanie—“Ok baby deer, goodnight.”
Melanie "mommy, I say oh my goodness, you say what" mommy a little confused says "what?" Melanie says "oh my goodness"
"Daddy how do you spell carrot" daddy "C-A-R-R-O-T" "daddy how do you spell C.J." daddy "C-J" "No daddy how do you spell C.J." repeated about 4 times than Melanie "NO DADDY I AM TRYING TO ASK YOU HOW YOU SPELL CJ?"
Melanie "daddy you're all dirty" daddy "yeah I was putting the cabinets up, see the cabinet" Melanie "oh good! Now grandpa will be happy!"
"Mom stop you are making me nervous" while I have my hand on her back
I can’t clean it up my legs are broken!”
"I just love them! And they want to snuggle with me!" About her fake fish in her fish take. And also "OOPS! They don’t have a headache!" after she dropped the box her fake fish came in.
"NICK!!! Stop playing the picano (piano) it's rude, I’m watching Word World"
Melanie “Dad, do you like blue cheese??” Vince “no” Melanie “Dad, do you like pink cheese??”
Mommy and Melanie at Kay’s Jewelers-- Melanie “mom can you take your teeth out like Grandpa?” Mommy “no” Melanie “like this mom” pulling on her front teeth…. Than to the lady behind the counter “can you take your teeth out like grandpa?”
“Mommy what’s that?” Pointing to my head… “My hair” I say….. “No mommy you don’t have any hair” says Melanie
Melanie "I lick toilets" Mommy "gross no you don't, Meyer licks toilets" Melanie "no" mommy “yes" Melanie "GROSS"

What's that mean? - Frequently used medical terms

ABVD: Chemotherapy drug regimen
Alopecia: Hair loss
Biopsy: a procedure used to remove cells or tissues in order to look at them under a microscope to check for signs of disease
Blood-cell count: the number of red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets in a sample of blood
Bone marrow: the inner, spongy tissue of bones where blood cells are made
Computed tomography (CT): a series of detailed pictures of areas inside the body; the pictures are created by a computer linked to an X-ray machine
Fertility: the ability to produce children
Inflammation: a process by which the body's white blood cells and chemicals protect our bodies from infection by foreign substances, such as bacteria and viruses.
Lymph node: a rounded mass of lymphatic tissue that is surrounded by a capsule of connective tissues
Lymphatic system: the tissues and organs that produce, store and carry white blood cells that fight infection and other diseases
MUGA scan: a scan that measures an important property of your heart: how well your heart pumps blood and when it beats
PET (Positron Emission Tomography): a scan to detect tumors using a radionuclide chemical
Platelets: blood cells that help stop bleeding
Port: A small plastic or metal container surgically placed under the skin and attached to a central venous catheter inside the body. Blood and fluids can enter or leave the body through the port using a special needle
Prednisone: is a corticosteroid hormone (glucocorticoid). It decreases your immune system's response to various diseases to reduce symptoms such as swelling and allergic-type reactions. It is used to treat conditions such as arthritis, blood disorders, breathing problems, certain cancers, eye problems, immune system diseases, and skin diseases
Radiation therapy: the use of high-energy radiation from X-rays, neutrons and other sources to kill cancer and shrink tumors
Red blood cells: cells that supply oxygen to tissues throughout the body
Remission: the partial or complete disappearance of signs and symptoms of cancer
Stage: the extent of a cancer within the body, including whether the disease has spread from the original site to other parts of the body. Staging refers to the determination of the extent of cancer
Stomatitis: sores on the lining of the mouth
Uric acid: breakdown product of purines in foods. Uric acid forms crystals in the tissues of the body to cause the inflammation of gout. Elevated blood uric acid levels can also cause kidney disease and stones.
White blood cells: a type of cell in the immune system that helps the body fight infection and disease